Do We Really Have To Honor A Bad Father And A Bad Mother According to Matthew 15:4?

Excerpt from a true story:
My father wanted a son, because a son could wear his name, but he got me instead...a daughter. But that didn't stop my parents from naming me Donald (a male name). Years of teasing in school followed. My father left shortly after I was born. My step-father raised me, and treated me like I was his biological daughter. Years later, my biological father showed up, and began to hang around with my step-father. One day, they stopped by my house, and I fixed them a snack. They were in the living room when I entered from the kitchen, and called, "Dad...?" Both men responded. I then turned to my biological father yelling, "I wasn't talking to you!"
My step-father told me not to talk to my biological father that way. But I couldn't help it. I then started telling my biological father he had never been there. That he was a deadbeat, and so on and so forth. Both men left. Now then, the Bible says in St. Matthew 15:4, "For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother. And he that curseth father or mother, let him die the death." Those are the words of the Lord Himself. But, which of the two father should I have honored?
And If Your Father Or Mother Is Not Worthy Of Honor?
First of all, we shouldn't confuse the meanings of honor, love and endearment. They are actually three different things. We know of no biblical passage that tells us to love our parents, or to be affectionate with them. No. We are told to honor them. There's the difference. If we consider the examples in the Bible, we often see that the one who is being honored is not an honorable individual. Or he or she has done nothing to deserve being honored.
In the Old Testament, the birthright--which goes to the firstborn son--is a very good example of "undeserved honor". The son to whom it belonged did nothing to earn it. He simply was born before all the rest of his siblings. The birthright indicated high status, for which reason it also included a "package" of wonderful blessings. Why then should it strike us as strange that a father or mother--simply because he or she is a parent--is due honor? Do we remember why Jacob--if he wanted his brother's birthright--felt compelled to deceive his father Isaac? He deceived him, because Isaac was to bless the firstborn when the appropriate time came. But what did the firstborn do to deserve the birthright? He was born first. That's all it took. And when it comes to being born, no one has any say in the matter. What that means is that no firstborn son--except for Jesus Christ--received the birthright, because he was deserving of it. This is what Romans 9:11 is talking about when it says, "(For the children being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth.)"
We see it somewhat like our salvation. We've done nothing, nor can we do anything to earn the blessing of being a son or daughter of God. God has ways that are strange to us. Sometimes they even seem unfair to us. But let's not forget that many things we have to live out on this earth are shadows that reflect what God has ordained. Whether we understand or not.
Let's consider the case of the apostle Paul when he was mistreated. He became very angry, which is normal. We read, "And Paul, earnestly beholding the council, said, Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day. And the high priest Ananias commanded them that stood by him to smite (hit) him on the mouth. Then said Paul unto him, God shall smite thee, thou whited wall; for sittest thou to judge me after the law, and commandest me to be smitten contrary to the law? And they that stood by said, Revilest thou God's high priest? Then said Paul, I wist not, brethren that he was the high priest; for it is written, Thou shalt not speak evil of the ruler of thy people." (Acts 23:1-5).
Obviously, that high priest was wicked. Nevertheless, his wickedness didn't annul what God had commanded regarding how we must behave with our superiors. There are many examples of this in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation.
Again, honoring someone does not equate to obeying him, or loving him, or even being affectionate with him or her. Honor doesn't go any further than showing the respect God has commanded us to show someone in order to be in right standing with Him. If the young lady didn't want to call her biological father "dad", or if she didn't want to try to have a father-daughter relationship with him, that's fine. Nevertheless, she was wrong to yell at him, and to be disrespectful to him.
A father, a mother, a husband, kings and rulers are authorities. Often they are wicked, and sicken us. And if they don't repent, and turn to Christ, they're on their way to hell. However, we must not be disrespectful to them. This is why when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to worship king Nebuchadnezzar's idols, they were nevertheless respectful in the king's presence. The king was perverse, and sentenced them to death for refusing to practice idolatry. The three men said, "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up." (Daniel 3:17-18).
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did not curse at the demonized king. No. They showed him respect. Not because he deserved honor, but because God's servants submit to the authorities God has established, whether those authorities are good or evil. Make no mistake about it. It is NOT God's will that Christians become doormats for others to walk on. Not at all. In the Bible, we see God's servants fighting for their rights, and going to war to protect the nation. But none of that removes the fact that we must not be disrespectful to authorities.
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